Technique: Become Your Own Advocate

The next technique, which aids in effectively working with self-criticism, involves becoming your own advocate. Although it may seem unusual or difficult to understand, let's explore how it works.

To successfully cope with self-critical thoughts, it's crucial to not only notice and resist them but also to actively dispute them.

Imagine that you find yourself in a court where your self-criticism has long been levying accusations against you, branding you a failure, weak, foolish, and guilty of all conceivable sins.

Suddenly, you have the chance to act as a defender, whose goal is to refute the charges, demonstrating their unfoundedness and absurdity.

Be the advocate of your own inner world, instead of being the judge of your own story.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Imagine yourself as a qualified lawyer, who is unlikely to settle for a statement like: 'My client is a decent person, let's just leave it at that.'

You must exert maximum effort to present compelling facts and arguments that thoroughly dismantle the accusations.

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Let's consider an example of applying this technique in a dialogue between a psychologist and a client:

Lately, you've been increasingly succumbing to self-criticism, calling yourself a weakling and a loser who has achieved nothing in life. Now imagine that you have hired an advocate to defend against this criticism.

Your task is to defend your client, that is, yourself, as effectively as possible, using arguments and evidence. Even if you don't believe in his innocence and you don't like your client, your role now is to be a competent lawyer, performing your job well.

An interesting idea, worth trying.

Excellent. Then I will play the role of the accuser, using your own words about yourself, and you will defend yourself.

Understood, let's begin.

(As the accuser) Pavel is a weakling and a loser who has achieved nothing in life.

(As the advocate) This is categorically untrue. Pavel has a higher education, a successful career, a family, and friends who love and appreciate him.

(As the accuser) Perhaps, but not everything is perfect with him. He makes mistakes at work, doesn't always keep up, and I am convinced that he is a loser.

(As the advocate) First, feelings cannot serve as evidence in court. Second, making mistakes and not meeting deadlines do not make him a loser, as every person is prone to errors and delays. This is not a basis for such categorical conclusions.

(As the accuser) Maybe he's not a complete loser, but he's definitely weak.

(As the advocate) Do you have evidence of this?

(As the accuser) He doesn't work hard enough. He should put in more effort. He behaves like a weakling.

(As the advocate) This is incorrect. Pavel works diligently and achieves success at work, where he is valued as a responsible employee. If he worked little or ineffectively, he would not be so highly regarded nor considered for promotion.

This technique is particularly useful because many people find it easier to imagine themselves as an advocate defending someone else rather than justifying themselves before an inner accuser.

By taking on the role of a professional defender, you demand real evidence and refute unfounded or illogical arguments of the accuser.

Therefore, when faced with negative thoughts about yourself, ask yourself: 'How would I defend my client if I had to prove his innocence?'

Aim to act like a true professional, identifying logical inconsistencies in your automatic thoughts. How justified are these thoughts? What can be said about yourself from a standpoint of common sense?

As an aid, we offer you several questions that can help in your independent work with thoughts: